Tuesday, March 22, 2016

The Mystery of the Soiled Diaper

So I'm walking through the store and there it is. On the floor in front of the milk case. A diaper. Not a clean one that fell out of a diaper bag. A urine soaked diaper. Scenarios as to how this might have happened, go through my mind. A parent changes their toddler's diaper in the cart, rather than in the restroom, (ew) which is a few feet away, and simply drops the old diaper on the floor? As strange as some of my customers are, I just can't picture anyone doing this. But if the diaper were changed in the restroom, why wasn't it tossed into the restroom trash can? I can't help noticing that the diaper looks as if it's standing up. Is this a clue? A haunted diaper maybe? Did it grow legs and follow them out of the restroom?

 Nope, I don't see any legs.

A more likely scenario comes to me: the adhesive tape came loose and the soaked diaper slipped right off some toddler's hips and landed on the floor in a standing position. The child stepped right out of the diaper and kept walking. Neither child or adult looked back. I know what you're thinking. For this to have happened the kid must have been walking around without pants on. It's not warm enough for that. And surely the parent and everyone else in the store would have noticed.

Unless, the child was female and wearing a dress. In which case it's entirely possible that her diaper-less state could have gone unnoticed.

Well, there you have it, folks. Just call me She-Sherlock.

You'll be impressed to know I unraveled this puzzling case on the way to the post office this afternoon. On the way, I was thinking about Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Jim and I watched this classic eighties movie just the other night. (There were no games on that night and we're too cheap to pay for movies.) Anyway, there's a scene where Ted, wearing a full set of medieval armor falls down a flight of stairs. A sword is thrust into his heart by the bad guy. How can Ted possibly have survived this? Well, when he appears very much alive a few minutes later, he tells his very relieved buddy, Bill, that he must have 'fell out of the armor' when he hit the floor. I'm picturing a toddler falling out of his or her diaper when what do I see on the floor of the post office? A single sock. Mens. Black. Like the ones my husband wears. Not kidding. This happened. I imagine some poor guy walking into the post office to pay his bills and suddenly falling out of his sock.

I also have a vision of the postal worker seeing a bare ankle and asking, "Hey dude, is that your sock?" "No man, it's not mine. I never wear those things..."

So, while walking from the post office to Starbucks one of my socks starts sliding down into my sneaker. I hate this. So. Much. I consider taking it off and dropping it next to the one in the post office just to confuse the next person who comes in to mail a letter but I'm too considerate to commit such an act. And I need more coffee. Now.

As I'm sipping my latte I'm imagining some guy pulling his laundry out of the dryer trying to figure out where the mate to his black sock went when it hits me. The solution to yet another mystery. The sock got stuck to the inside of his pant leg while it was in the dryer. It came unstuck on his way into the post office and fell onto the floor. He saw it on his way out and wondered what kind of a person loses a sock in the post office.
There you have. She-Sherlock solves another one.

You're welcome and have a nice day. :)


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